Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth in the morning, usually because I am busy worrying about where to part my hair, or whether gladiator sandals make my ankles look thick.
Today I forgot to brush my teeth because I was busy thinking about my boyfriend. I wonder so many things about him. Does he ever forget to brush his teeth because he’s thinking about his hair? or gladiator sandals? or me?
This morning I wondered, does he get in the shower on the faucet side or the other side? How often does he switch bath towels? Does he put down the toilet seat every time???
All these questions seemed urgent this morning. I had a little breakdown and forgot to brush my teeth because I realized that I have fallen completely in love with a man who could use the same bath towel for weeks at a time until it smells. He could get in the shower on the faucet side and spill bathwater all over the floor. HE COULD LEAVE UP THE TOILET SEAT. EVERY TIME.
I COULD FALL IN.
As scary as that possibility is, it’s even scarier to know that I would love him anyway.
My boyfriend and I made an agreement on our fourth date not to live together before marriage. I know that seems prudish and old fashioned to most couples our age, but our decision feels right so far. Plus I love the little mysteries that remain in our relationship over two years later.
It’s also scary as hell. I mean, without mundane crap like toilet seats and bath towels, what do we have to discuss? Real feelings? Vulnerability? The kind of life that we want to build?? Jesus, that’s terrifying.
The more I think about it, the more I think the fear is worth it. Some day it will feel so good to have answers to all my urgent questions about him. It will also feel good for him to learn about me. For example, he probably didn’t know before reading this that I forget to brush my teeth once in a while.
Luckily, I have a whole stash of disposable toothbrushes in my glove compartment for days like today. I’m not in any hurry for him to know about my morning breath.