You guys, today sucked really hard. I work at UT, where today a 19 year old kiddo came to school and shot himself. I was in lock down in my office for about 4 hours, waiting and waiting for news about whether everyone in our little community was safe. We all are safe, thank goodness, except for that poor lost student.
Less than a year ago, my department was affected personally by a similar violent suicide. Of course, all the anguish and anger I’ve been feeling about that for the past 6 months came pouring up to the surface today, and I had a really hard time holding it together in the office. Especially when I saw tanks and SWAT personnel running through my beloved 40 Acres with guns. That made me cry. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to enjoy spending time at the PCL again.
We were sent away from campus at about 12:30 this afternoon. I was too wound up to go home, so I checked in with Rami and we decided that I should buy an ice cream machine to help cheer me up. I stopped at Sur la Table and found this little beauty (it’s even orange!) for just $40.
When I got to the check out, the cashier asked if she could update my address. Sure, I said. But then I couldn’t remember my address, and after a few minutes of stammering and trying to remember, I started crying at the counter. Ugh. The store staff was very graceful about the whole thing, but I was mortified. Luckily there are not many people in Sur la Table on Tuesday afternoons.
Tonight I’m feeling lots things: relief that everyone I know is safe, a profound sadness for the the network of friends and family that the shooter left behind, and really, really angry that someone would want to hurt the Longhorn community that I love so much.
I try to focus my writing on this blog to food, and I don’t want to get to personal in this forum. However, I want to reach out to the little community that I’m part of here and say thank you all so much. Thanks for tweeting and texting and calling me to make sure I’m safe. Thanks for worrying about me, and thanks for keeping the whole UT community in your thoughts in the next few days. We all need some extra support.